Another oldie, this one about Pat Robertson...

A Man Of God, Or A Wackjob?
Televangelist Pat Robertson had this to say about the massive stroke suffered by Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon...
"The prophet Joel makes it very clear that God has enmity against those who divide my land.... Ariel Sharon was dividing God's land and I would say woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the European Union, the United Nations or the United States."

WHAT!!!??? God smote Ariel Sharon? Listen, Patty-boy, God created the whole world and all the people in it, He doesn't give a rat's ass about our property disputes. This is like saying God is worried about if Israel's neighbor puts their fence over Israel's property line. I don't think God cares how we divide it up. I think He DOES care about if we fight over it, or try to kill each other. And Pat, that whole interpreting the Bible literally thing is pretty stupid, don't you think? Most of it is metaphorical, stories written to explain things to simple folk who had no friggin' clue that the Earth wasn't flat, wasn't the center of the Solar System, that eating pork, shrimp and lobster won't kill you, that lepers aren't sinners, and on and on. Science disproves stories told in the Bible almost every day. If you don't believe what science tells us about the world, then stop being a fucking hypocrite, using (gasp!) SCIENCE to beam pictures of your pasty-white face and the sound of your cracker drawl to all those gullible folks who, for some strange reason, believe what you say and send you money. If you're going to insist on taking the Bible literally, how about the part where Jesus (a liberal if ever there was one) told his followers to cast aside their worldly posessions and preach the word? Pat, ready to cast off the expensive suits, mansions, media empire, private jets, shady deals in African diamond mines? Ready to go live in a cave, eat locusts and honey, and walk around, preaching the word? I didn't think so.

I think God must keep you around for entertainment, otherwise He would have smote your sorry hypocritical Bible-thumping ass long ago. And Ariel Sharon? He's got a much better shot at Heaven than you. Remember "Blessed are the peacemakers?" Jesus definitely did not say "Blessed are the fence-building, exclusionary, warmongering profiteers." The Bible told me so, Pat...